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Jay saved my life. And his presence in my soul, helps me stay motivated for my own mental health, as well as that of those around me.

Certain people either don't realize or have cruel intention when using #negative, accusatory, insensitive and degrading statements. I cannot speak for others, but I know I'm not the only human in the world to have experienced such a thing. I had an awful evening the other night having had a conversation with someone I love and care about, someone who was apart of my "chosen" family. I'd love to say it was the only time, however, having reflected - there is a pattern. That pat

Suicide. There is no place for you in our world. Consider this a declaration of war. We will not accept unresponsive support for the mentally ill, as well as those who are struggling with their mental health circumstantially .. We have suffered enough, we do NOT have to suffer anymore.

Someone asked me, “What makes it all worth it?” I questioned what they meant. Are we talking about my past? Are we talking about the present? Are we talking about the future? If we’re talking about the past, I have just figured it out in the last year. The #pain, the #poordecisions, the cowering in regards to #abuse of many kinds, the lack of #honesty and #forgiveness, the inability to talk about my feelings, the awareness of self and of others, the inability to even articul

I have now been actively working in the #MentalHealth field for 5 months. In that time, I have heard, seen, and felt emotions I was not expecting to, nor experienced before. Given both my history and my role, patients ask many direct questions pertaining to thoughts or actions they know are not right, but think or act anyway. One of the most common is, “How do you accept and deal with the fact this will be an issue, a challenge, and define you for the rest of your life?” Trut

When we first moved into the new apartment, things went well. We were all getting along, there was always something to do, and Brit and I alternated who was making dinner. We were able to keep it clean, James and I bought a new couch, and big screen television. I felt like, "This is it. This is the way it's supposed to be," and it felt so good. Much like everything else that transpired in our relationship, that wore off. Pretty quickly actually. Kirby and Brit wound up moving

It made me understand so much more about myself. It provided me more of a direction to go as I move forward with life.

The den had couches that likely had never been cleaned and were probably covered in all sorts of disgusting human secretions.

Truth is, I firmly intended on keeping the promises I made, but I wasn't equipped with the tools necessary to say no to my greatest love affair - it was all about the snow.

Remember the session with Evy regarding her anger towards anyone in recovery (refer to Part II)? I was in the same area as her in the building when she came to me and in a very excited voice said, “I have a present for you, do you have some time?” I was heading into a meeting, so I told her I would come find her after. She told me, if I missed her and she had already left to go out of state, she would leave it with the front desk. When the meeting was over, I was on a mission

"Realize it's not personal; people act out of their own traumas and emotional problems from way back, not because of you." – Robert Greene Often times, the “why” of #behavior, #beliefs, and #morals comes from experienced # trauma. While some believe if you process #trauma, it won’t have a negative impact. My experience is that it takes away the possibility of re-traumatizing, but it does not take away the memory or the meaning. When an individual tells me about an ongoing rea

I had a rather interesting conversation the other day with a woman named Evy. Her opening line was, “I don’t want you to take what I’m about to say personally, but I really need advice on two things.” In the past, my first impulse was to say and feel something along the lines of, “Oh, greatttttt. Meaning it is directed at me.” #Sarcasm is something that comes easily to me, and is often attempted to shield potential anger. I decided to move forward with the #oppositeaction, I

It’s hard to explain depression. And then I had a weekend, like the one I had and I wish I could allow others into my body to feel what I felt, or lack there of. Memorial Day Weekend is perhaps my favorite of all in any given year. If coming in second, only to that of the 4th of July. This past Memorial Day Weekend included baseball games, visits from my two closest high school friends, a visit from my brother and his wife, the high school graduation of my oldest son, the ann

When I was a child, I knew for certain I was going to be a veterinarian and live on a farm. When I was an adolescent, I thoroughly intended on being the first female president of the United States (or when feeling less grandiose, a social worker). When I was a teenager, I had no aspirations to be much of anything for longer than 10 minutes. The way I saw it, I was lucky to still be alive. In retrospect, I often think that I was too afraid of failure to really carve out what I

“Can’t wait to get past whatever the fucking fuck this season is in my life right now – because seriously, what the fuck?!” There have been a number of times in my life this exact thought has not just crossed, but planted, itself in my mind. As an adolescent, it was finding out that my two best friends were going to boarding school so I would be headed to the local public high school, alone. Add in a little #socialanxiety and a horrific lack of #selfesteem, it was a recipe fo

I think peace looks really different when you have to fight so hard for it. I’m currently experiencing the most peaceful crash out ever. Like everything is falling apart a little. I’m #stressed, #overwhelmed, and slightly losing it .. but also #relaxing, #vibing, and weirdly at peace at the same time. The first time I really understood “finding peace” was in rehab. I had been running hard my whole life – always doing something, always trying to prove my usefulness, always bei

THAT, is the question. .. and the answer is always YES (as long as it is part of an acceptable sleep schedule) This really hit me, square between the eyes, but to be clear, it's an important factor for all humans ... Sleep isn't just "important" when you live with bipolar disorder, it's one of the biggest factors that can either protect your stability ... or quietly unravel it. And the hard part? Lack of sleep doesn't always feel like a problem at first. I lock my car keys in

... but the weight is just too heavy to carry and prepare to drop right now.

I graduated from High School in 2005. I went out west to Arizona State University, as far away as I could get from the town I grew up in, and the only house I ever lived in, to obtain my Bachelors. Needless to say, I’m pretty certain my focus wasn’t “obtaining my Bachelors” but instead to party as much as humanly possible until I “became an adult”. I “became” an adult a lot earlier than expected, with the most handsome surprise ever. My oldest son made his debut into society

For as long as I can remember, anger has always been the easiest emotion for me to express, and the first one that comes to the surface - far more than any other. For the longest time, I felt as though it was the only emotion I had. About halfway through my past career, my boss began referring to the timeframe from 2015-2016 as my "angry years". It just so happened that this was the time when my addictions had come to a head in my adult life. I was doing everything I never th