Depression

The den had couches that likely had never been cleaned and were probably covered in all sorts of disgusting human secretions.

When I was a child, I knew for certain I was going to be a veterinarian and live on a farm. When I was an adolescent, I thoroughly intended on being the first female president of the United States (or when feeling less grandiose, a social worker). When I was a teenager, I had no aspirations to be much of anything for longer than 10 minutes. The way I saw it, I was lucky to still be alive. In retrospect, I often think that I was too afraid of failure to really carve out what I

I think peace looks really different when you have to fight so hard for it. I’m currently experiencing the most peaceful crash out ever. Like everything is falling apart a little. I’m #stressed, #overwhelmed, and slightly losing it .. but also #relaxing, #vibing, and weirdly at peace at the same time. The first time I really understood “finding peace” was in rehab. I had been running hard my whole life – always doing something, always trying to prove my usefulness, always bei

THAT, is the question. .. and the answer is always YES (as long as it is part of an acceptable sleep schedule) This really hit me, square between the eyes, but to be clear, it's an important factor for all humans ... Sleep isn't just "important" when you live with bipolar disorder, it's one of the biggest factors that can either protect your stability ... or quietly unravel it. And the hard part? Lack of sleep doesn't always feel like a problem at first. I lock my car keys in

... but the weight is just too heavy to carry and prepare to drop right now.

Imagine being on a roller coaster – up and down, left and right, fast and slow, fun and outright petrifying. Now imagine being on the same rollercoaster, but instead of a quick 3 minute trip … it’s decades long. That’s the best analogy for my life. I wanted to get off, to walk on solid ground, to not be flipped upside down, to not feel debilitating fear when things move too fast, and complete anxiety when they moved too slow. I wanted to be able to connect with people, not ju