Say it out loud, "Suicide".

Today is World Suicide Prevention Day.

Every 40 seconds someone dies by suicide.

In the United States, suicide rates are 32% higher than they were in the year 2000, not including attempts. Suicide is the second leading cause of death for young people and adults ages 15-34. 20% of high school students considered attempting suicide, and 10% attempted. Suicide is second to the leading cause of death for collegiate athletes. Even worse, suicide has doubled decade to decade amongst NCAA athletes. Adolescents, as young as 5, are reported to have suicidal ideation.

We keep reminding one another to “check in”, “reach out”, “try to notice changes in behavior or if people are quieter than normal”, “give someone a hug” … those things are compassionate and kind, but they also need to be consistent. And for every person that shows their pain on the outside, there's another person that shows another side, the silent one … the one where someone looks great on paper, they look happy with life. They love and raise their kids, they make school lunches and cook dinner, they’re part of the “popular” crowd, they are the person you can call on when you need help, they work, they’re always smiling, always laughing, they volunteer, they show up at every game, they run, they workout, they’re smiling in every photograph, they wear a mask of shame. We need to remember that mental illness is internal, invisible, there is no cover to judge the book. There is zero indication they are hurting, they are afraid, they are overwhelmed, that they need help. We have created a society that expects certain demographics to be immune to emotional and mental crisis.

In my own experience, I have been asked so many questions, received so many false allegations. What do they say … oh, right, “Ignorance is bliss.” You need examples? Here you go …

• The only person you thought about was yourself. (Which is the opposite of the truth)

• You chose to have [insert one of the most important people in your life] find you. Should you have been successful, you would have ruined his/her whole life.

• You have so much to live for, what is wrong with you?

• Give me the password to your phone, I want to know why.

• You didn’t leave a note, why didn’t you leave a note? That is fucked up.

• Stop being so dramatic and looking for attention. You are out of your mind, crazy.

• I never thought you were ACTUALLY going to do this.

• You didn’t work hard enough. You didn’t do what you were supposed to do. Just STOP.

The worst response? The culprit of shame? The devastating feeling that there is no hope, that there is no possibility of manageability, that the feeling of impending doom will be proven true, the one where you're looking for help but instead are dismissed for any number of bullshit lazy and apathetic responses ...

“We don’t need to change your medication, you just need to get used to it.”

Two weeks later, the doctor says the same. And two weeks after that, after listening to my “complaints”, my consistent monologue, it was suggested that I take vitamins – Vitamin D, some sort of mushroom, B-12, Vitamin C, etc. Meanwhile, I was displaying all symptoms of mania. At the suggestion of my psychiatrist, because I trust her as a medical professional in her specialty, I ordered all the vitamins on Amazon. 24 hours later the vitamins showed up on my front steps, too late. A message of lack of understanding, a statement of my lack of importance, a confirmation that further education is required, dedication to active listening and urgent action in an emergency situation are non-negotiables.

I nearly lost my life – and thankfully, I didn't.

I'm still here, and so are you.

We need to respond in a way that helps support for those hurting. We need to validate annd acknowledge. We need to treat a call for help as it relates to anyone's life with the utmost empathy. We need to show urgency, show love, and give them whatever kind of support they need - silence, assurance, the act of being vulnerable. We need to believe them when they say they don’t feel right, when they say they’re seeing the signs of a crash of whatever kind it could be. To ask for help, over and over and over again, to not be listened to because common theory is that the desire for a fatal outcome is dramatic, the result of being neglected of attention, a reflection of the inability to parent, and worse, that it implies we want to physically harm the people our lives are dedicated to all because we desire to hurt ourselves, only exacerbates the shame we already feel and the guilt that we feel from the belief that we are a failure, a failure at life.

The reality? The act is selfless, it’s the admittance of the feeling that we are a burden, that we bring the people we love the most down. Impulsive or planned, the pain is so great, the impact we believe we have on our children, our family, our friends, the world as a whole is nothing short of detrimental. We believe, with every ounce of our being, we are a burden. And the world? The people we love? The people we’ve crossed paths with over the course of our life? They are better off without us.

I stand on the other side, today. I am blessed to be a survivor, and not because I abandoned my objection, my resolve, but instead because of the love a friend who was never going to leave my side (whether I knew it or not), and who certainly never wanted me to leave her. When we can’t raise our hands for ourselves, when we can’t articulate our pain, when we can’t understand our own why, when we can’t explain the why in a way that someone who hasn’t been in the seat could possibly understand, when we give in to the feeling of failure, when we reach the point of no return (in our own minds), the solution, for me, was to remove myself from life. At the time, the belief was that I am not worthy of love, not worthy of a good life, not worthy of healing, not worthy of happiness because all I’ve brought to the table is unforgiveable pain.

It took years to see the reality –

I am worthy of love.

I am worthy of confidence.

I am worthy of a good life.

I am worthy of living, and not just any life, but a happy and fulfilling life.

The moral?

We can’t prevent suicide if we are too afraid to say the word.

We can’t instill hope with blame. We can’t look to the surface of an individuals life and state that they have so much good, it makes no sense for them to come up with such a permanent outcome that impacts others in such a horrific way. We’ve made the word so uncomfortable that people learn to hide what they’re feeling. The word itself is not shameful … the silence from those that pass judgment, those who believe it selfish, those that do not understand the challenges the most simple things present, is shameful. The effort it takes to ask for help and the resulting devastation is nothing short of repulsive. The lack of desire to provide support is ignorant, egotistical, and can result in an even greater belief that we make the world a worse place, and more importantly, we drag others down resulting in debilitating self-loathing. We justify the action we are about to take, for the success, fulfillment and happiness of others.

Saying the word “suicide” doesn’t put the idea in someone’s head. It gives permission. Permission to finally say “I’m not okay & I’m thinking about suicide.” Without being judged. Without being shamed. Without being alone. Stigma grows in silence. Conversation challenges it. Sometimes the most powerful thing we can give anyone is space. Space to speak, to be honest, to ask for help, to stay.

So while today is Suicide Prevention Day, we must remember, today is not the day that suicide doesn’t top the list as the leading cause of death. Suicide may be a silent, painful action, but it is getting louder, it is getting more common, it is no longer foreign to hear that someone died of suicide. In some situtions, it may even be expected.

Let’s make today the one where we talk about those we’ve lost knowing the truth is, we miss them everyday. We must make changes and break patterns - if we don’t create the space to speak openly, we create a world that lacks kindness, acceptance, hope and connection. And most important, we create a world that shames the people we may love, the cashier we always see at the grocery store, the single mother that is doing the best she can, the homeless, the abused, the star athlete, the valedictorian, the funniest person we’ve ever met in our lives … and the list goes on.

Open your ears. Open your eyes, say the word. We can’t possibly positively impact our collective mental health if we don’t talk about it.

Suicide. There is no place for you in our world. Consider this a declaration of war. We will not accept unresponsive support for the mentally ill, as well as those who may be struggling with their mental health circumstantially ..

We have suffered enough, we do NOT have to suffer anymore.

Grit. Lock in. Hang on. Reset. Take a breath. Lean into the pain. Stay courageous. Breathe. Stop isolating. Accept hope. Acknowledge your strength. Accept your emotions.

You got this, and if you don't ... we got you.