Gratitude

Suicide. There is no place for you in our world. Consider this a declaration of war. We will not accept unresponsive support for the mentally ill, as well as those who are struggling with their mental health circumstantially .. We have suffered enough, we do NOT have to suffer anymore.

It made me understand so much more about myself. It provided me more of a direction to go as I move forward with life.

Remember the session with Evy regarding her anger towards anyone in recovery (refer to Part II)? I was in the same area as her in the building when she came to me and in a very excited voice said, “I have a present for you, do you have some time?” I was heading into a meeting, so I told her I would come find her after. She told me, if I missed her and she had already left to go out of state, she would leave it with the front desk. When the meeting was over, I was on a mission

I had a rather interesting conversation the other day with a woman named Evy. Her opening line was, “I don’t want you to take what I’m about to say personally, but I really need advice on two things.” In the past, my first impulse was to say and feel something along the lines of, “Oh, greatttttt. Meaning it is directed at me.” #Sarcasm is something that comes easily to me, and is often attempted to shield potential anger. I decided to move forward with the #oppositeaction, I

“Can’t wait to get past whatever the fucking fuck this season is in my life right now – because seriously, what the fuck?!” There have been a number of times in my life this exact thought has not just crossed, but planted, itself in my mind. As an adolescent, it was finding out that my two best friends were going to boarding school so I would be headed to the local public high school, alone. Add in a little #socialanxiety and a horrific lack of #selfesteem, it was a recipe fo

I think peace looks really different when you have to fight so hard for it. I’m currently experiencing the most peaceful crash out ever. Like everything is falling apart a little. I’m #stressed, #overwhelmed, and slightly losing it .. but also #relaxing, #vibing, and weirdly at peace at the same time. The first time I really understood “finding peace” was in rehab. I had been running hard my whole life – always doing something, always trying to prove my usefulness, always bei

I graduated from High School in 2005. I went out west to Arizona State University, as far away as I could get from the town I grew up in, and the only house I ever lived in, to obtain my Bachelors. Needless to say, I’m pretty certain my focus wasn’t “obtaining my Bachelors” but instead to party as much as humanly possible until I “became an adult”. I “became” an adult a lot earlier than expected, with the most handsome surprise ever. My oldest son made his debut into society

For as long as I can remember, anger has always been the easiest emotion for me to express, and the first one that comes to the surface - far more than any other. For the longest time, I felt as though it was the only emotion I had. About halfway through my past career, my boss began referring to the timeframe from 2015-2016 as my "angry years". It just so happened that this was the time when my addictions had come to a head in my adult life. I was doing everything I never th

Imagine being on a roller coaster – up and down, left and right, fast and slow, fun and outright petrifying. Now imagine being on the same rollercoaster, but instead of a quick 3 minute trip … it’s decades long. That’s the best analogy for my life. I wanted to get off, to walk on solid ground, to not be flipped upside down, to not feel debilitating fear when things move too fast, and complete anxiety when they moved too slow. I wanted to be able to connect with people, not ju